Happy Mothers Day!!!
Being that it is Mother’s Day today I thought I would write a short post about my life as a mom who suffers with Fibromyalgia and anxiety. The day that I found out that I was pregnant with my amazing daughter was one of the most exciting and scary days of my life. I had previously suffered a miscarriage and had so much difficulty getting pregnant. I was scared to get too excited in fear that I would have to go through the crippling depression that I had went through previously. I was anxious nearly everyday until the day that she was born. It didn’t help that I had some complications along the way and had to spend a number of weeks on bedrest where all I had was time to think. Think about what I would do if I wasn’t able to have a baby, fear of what kind of mother I would be if I was able to carry to full term. I lived hours away from my family and had what I now know a narcistic husband who did very little to help me get through my anxiety. Every time I felt my baby move, I was relieved but if she didn’t move for even a short time, I became anxious. Pregnancy should be a happy and exciting time but for me it was nerve wracking. But despite everything that had me on pins and needles I ended up with the most amazing daughter.
This beautiful and strong girl is now 14 and still amazes me every day. I am also so very lucky to have two amazing step kids. A beautiful and compassionate 14, almost fifteen-year-old and the most wonderfully funny and caring 12-year-old boy. Being a mom to these three has taught me so much about myself and who I want to be. Striving to be the best mom possible has pushed me to better myself, find ways to manage my anxiety and pain so that I can be there for them when they need me and provide the loving and caring household that they need to grow and become amazing adults. I am also lucky to have found a man who is my best friend and the love of my life. He is there for me when I need and he steps in when I am unable to do what needs to be done to keep our household running smoothly because of fibromyalgia.
Over the last year I have come to realize that my fibro fog has become worse. I have had to make sure that I always have our whiteboard calendar up to date and put even the smallest things as reminders in my phone so that I don’t forget which house the kids are at, when I need to take them to appointments, all of my appointments and the kid’s activities and on and on. My partner is constantly reminding me to set things as a reminder as soon as I mention them or I will forget. We also have a shared app for grocery lists (Flipp, check it out it is wonderful) because if I don’t put something in there right away when they tell me that we need it will be forgotten. The only trouble with this method is when I continuously can’t find my phone. I have left it in the most random and weird places. I often have to ask one of my kids or my partner to call me and then listen to see where I may have left it this time. My favorite story about my constantly missing phone is the day that I called it and couldn’t hear it ringing, not unusual as I also have a habit of turning off my ringer while at appointments and meeting and then forgetting to turn it back on. I searched everywhere with no luck and finally gave up hoping that if I distracted myself, I may miraculously remember where I left it. Well hours later when I was getting ready to make supper, I found it, there in the freezer with groceries that I had put away earlier that day. The ringer was on but apparently the freezer is basically sound proof. If anyone has suggestions to help me keep track of my phone please share. I am in desperate need! LOL.